Unus Annus

It means one year.

... and that is all we get.

It is a YouTube channel created my Markiplier (Mark) and Crankgameplays (Ethan). A hairy magical, hysterical land of thicc nincompoopery.

My son casually mentioned it to me last November when he was dealing with a life threatening health crisis. "Mama... Markiplier has a new channel, in the first video they're cooking with sex toys."

Me: *laughter* why do you always tell me these things while were driving and I can't go look it up?

I have always listened to my kids and investigated the people and things they watch on YouTube. I have been a fan of Markiplier since JUR mentioned him years ago.

This channel is a self destructing one. After one year they are deleting it. All of it. Only our memories of the journey will remain....and its been one hell of a journey. I was dealing with a frightening time in my life when Unus Annus was brought to my attention.

My son was ill.  We were three years into the search for what was ailing him, doctor after doctor, after doctor...and the last ones only advice was...."Have you tried putting cheese on his broccoli?"

I was tired of going to wake him up and having my heart cave-in as I approached his bed and called his name. ...was he alive? or did he die in his sleep?

Nearly six feet tall and 103 pounds. He looked like he was dying.

...he was dying...

Finally in November 2019 he got refereed to a GI doctor, who took one look at him and his blood pressure and turned to me and said. "I want you to leave here and drive straight to Doernbecher  Children's Hospital, he is being directly admitted."

In a whirl wind stay, he was scoped and poked and prodded and diagnosed with eosinophilic esophagitis.  EOE for short.


They would be placing a NJ-tube so they could start feeding him.  He would be there a week, as he suffered from re-feeding syndrome and his labs went hay-wire.

They also inserted the NG tube in his lung vs his stomach the first time.

 That's were it belongs.

I can't explain how grateful and thrilled I was to have answers finally. To have someone doing something for my beautiful son.

It was November and we had a long ways to go. He left the hospital at 103#.

November 14th that year Unus Annus signed on. It was my birthday.

It was a good birthday, my son was home and alive, and I had a youTube show that would be a one year timer....the same time frame that the doctors were saying it would take to have my son up to weight and healthy.

Each day at noon they would upload the daily video. It got to where I wake up at noon each day to watch it and then go back to sleep. Unus Annus isn't for everyone...it should be through, the laughter everyday is so needed and appreciated.

It reminds me of my childhood and all the goofy things me and siblings did. In a way I lived Unus Annus.  Being alive before the internet meant we entertained ourselves. I will miss it when it gets deleted, but I will celebrate being part of it.

JUR and I both watch it. Laughing at it, as funny parts tickle us. He  and I and 3.68 million subscribers partaking in a strange black and white cult of laughter, corn, beans and pee.

His recovery was slow.

I weighed him expecting miracles...to find only a pound here and there.

By the Unus Annus Christmas eggnog muckbang video, we knew for sure a surgically implanted g-tube was in the works.

In January we were off to the hospital again.

oh my sweet son, I'm so sorry for your pain...

As he laid there after surgery, he was listening to Markiplier's vlog on his pain and hospital stay. I am so grateful Mark shared his journey so freely. His words were there to comfort and help my son in ways I could not.

And he was also helping me get through all this, with his and Ethan's infections laughter on Unus Annus. My daily dose of sheer frolicking fun and laughter.




And then.....2020 shit on us all.

The lock down had detrimental effects in my mental health. On others too. Steve Cash another YouTube star that me and the kids  have watched for ever, took his own life.  His loss a staggering blow to us all. These people who share their creativity with us on line, are truly imaginary friends. We don't know each other, but they are in our lives.

Unus Annus went into quarantine with us.

Delivering as promised....each day. It payed off, helping me focus and have something to look forward too. The days pasted slowly.

I don't know who was more excited Mr. Crab or me.

When Mark and Ethan were able to get out of quarantine and get together again, it was epic. A video that no one who has seen it will ever forget it. And no one will believe us in the future when we speak of it. the infamous, Pee Sauna.

I was there. I saw it. I was part of it. (chants)  "Unus annus, unus annus,unus annus!!!"

With all the chaos going on in the world right now, its  been nice to watch my son's weight go up.

All the while watching the Unus Annus counter go down.

The ticking clock that closes out each video.

Each day I watch those numbers go down...knowing that when it reaches zero and the channel disapears...at that time I will know that it's been a year, and my son is 365 days farther away from those days when he was heading towards an early death.

Will I miss the channel?

Yes.

Memento Mori.

But I have the laughter inside of me.

Those days are pounds in my son's life.

After 7 months on a milk free diet, they scoped him again to see if the treatment was working.

 Above is his esophagus in early November, its closed up and riddled with inflammation.

This is it in June. THIS is how it is suppose to look! Doctor says things look great.

A dexa scan showed the long term damage that the malnutrition caused to his bones.

Jur knew about the scan from watching the Unus Annus episode where Mark and Ethan got their bones scanned.

 The curse of 2020 had us without AC for a week and 1/2 during 100+ degree weather this summer. Jur found humor in it.

So did I.

That magical day I've been waiting for is close at hand.

When he reaches 155 we can start weaning him off the tube and see if he can maintain the weight with just food.

I see so many things in him since we have found the right balance...most of all his smile has returned.

and so has mine.

I'm glad that this time in our lives is growing shorter, and will be gone soon. Some day the scar on his belly will be all that remains.

...just like the faint memories of the time we both spent watching Unus Annus.

Preface - Getting the Bucks Out

Children,

In April 2020 while we were in quarantine for the covid-19 virus, I printed out my blog.

Upon seeing the stack of 1350+ pages Hanna says to me, “Will reading the ancient text be required?”

Yes, child, yes.

In these massive volumes you will find stories of me and you. 

Others are about self injury and my lives journey. Others are a hodge podge of stuff stirred up in my writers brain. Some will be good, some will be bad. Some will be life changing.

I’m sorry that there are no pictures included. A lot of the humor was in the pictures. I hope you will be able to still access my blog in some fashion on line. But just in case, I have printed it out , because it is all I have to give you.

At this printing Getting The Bucks Out @ blogspot.com is 566 posts, and spans from 2012-2020. It’s not done yet, and there will be more posts/volumes. I write slower now, but I still write. I've loved blogging and have no desire to stop.

I have loved to write since I was very little. The blog has become a diary, a confessional, a place where I can write to reach others....or just amuse my self as I read back over it and giggle at my skullduggery.

Take what you want from it.

Use it as canon for a cult or sell it on eBay, or carefully carve out the book on self injury from it and sell it to a publisher, what ever you want. These are your copies. There will not be a test on the contents. If you loose your copy don't panic. Things belong to people not the other way around...perhaps the person who found it, needs the wisdom in it more then you, and you were just the vehicle to get it to them.

I hope you each find peace in this life and your place among the world. It was/is a real treasure to have been there from day one to watch you grow.

Peace be the journey

Mama / Muma

In the forest (Sexual Abuse TRIGGER)

A evil breeze violated the peaceful slumber of the forest girls.

It slid over them, touching them, lingering longer then it should have.

It roused the memories first, and then their minds.

They awoke crying and afraid.

Scrambling in the dark, they all reached for their lanterns and lite them.

One by one warm bubbles of light pushed back the darkness.

Once the light reached Dogdancing she shook her head sleepily. The lightening bolts in her hair glittered in the lantern light. She opened her eyes and they dilated slowly as they adjusted to the night light.

Abruptly she shot up onto her feet. "Girls! she called in alarm.

Years of conditioning surged through their veins and the girls shot out of their leaf beds and on to their feet in a seamless motion.

That is when they all saw the ground. It was scattered with dead baby birds.

Little One voiced what they were all thinking. "what is it?"

"There is a monster in the forest." whispered Dogdancing with nostrils flared and her body tensing up to take flight. "Lets go."

"Halt!" came a deep voice.

They froze...eyes darting left and right.

The bear huffed as it slowly padded into the light. "Yes there is monster in the forest. But we must stay put."

Little Two writhed in agony. "But my heart is telling me to run, that we are in danger."

"We are." Said the red fox jumping into her lantern bubble and sitting at her feet.

Dogdancing swallowed hard. So scared she was she couldn't hear her thoughts over the poundings of her heart. "we aren't safe here." she said in an echoic voice tinged with panic.

"Truth." said the tree from above. "Right now, no where is safe. We must all be trees, and stay put."

"oooohh" whined Little Three, tears slipping down her dark face. "If we stay put the man wif the flesh knife can find me. He will hurt me."

The bear nodded saddly. "we have two monsters in the forest."

"Uuugh, one killing, and the other sending more girls to the forest." said the fox.

Dogdancing's knees buckled and she crashed heavily to the forest floor. The weight of that knowledge crushing her.

Her lantern flicked and dimmed.

The bear carefully began scooping out paw fulls of earth.

The red fox began gathering the baby birds and placing them softly in the holes, and using his snout to cover them.

A few of the  forest girls stood tall  twisted and held out their arms and barked over to became trees.

Others, crouched down and shelled up...blending in the the boulders.

"I can't stay, HERE, I can't stay STILL." said one of the newest girls to the forest. She was so new she didn't even have a lantern yet... and before anyone could move she took her life.

This unhinged the fox.

He fell and yelped painfully next to the still body.

From way up  in the forest canopy the redmother tree spoke. "The forest is ancient. Endless. The journey is long. Long enough that some of you have forgotten just how strong you are. What it took to survive the past. You still have that in you."

 Dogdancing painfully stood up, and took up her lantern. "not everyone can survive this...some are not long in their healing journey, some have yet to even take one step. Healing is hard."

She walked over to the fox and scooped him up. He sobbed silently into her neck.

She looked at the bear. "Not every story has a happy ending."

"Truth" the bear said and began to push dirt over the newest forest girl's body.

"What now?" asked Little One as she hunkered down and nestled into the rocks.

"We stay. We wait." Said Dogdancing.

"Is the healing journey over?" said Little Two.

"No." Said the fox wiggling out of Dogdancing's arm. 

Dogdancing placed her lantern on the grave. It's light shining bright.

"We still journey....but for now we just have to march in place and hold the line."

Grandma's girl

Daughter,

You were never meant to read my blog at ten years old.

You were to find a hard copy in my possessions after I died. You were suppose to be a grown woman long gone from home when you discovered it.

I never wrote it thinking, my ten year old daughter would be reading my words.

I didn't fathom what affect it would have on you.

It tainted your relationship with your grandma., and for that I am truly sorry.

You were only three when she started having the strokes. Started having memory issues from them. She started forgetting around this time. Her life and memories fading at a rapid pace.

She loved you little one.  Coming over to the house and lavishing all her thrift store treasures on you. You loved to play with her.

Before Dad and I had kids we talked about how old I was. We both discussed how that any children we had might have there own children cheated out of having me as there grandma because of my age.

Grandma's are important.

 It didn't occur to me that my own children would get  jipped in the grandma department.

Grandma Ginny loved you too. You were six when she died.

It guts me you have no memories of her.

You missed out on such a wonderful woman. Kind and gently like her son, your father.

She made you two dresses. Hold on to them.

they are tangible little reminders she loved you.  Don't worry she would eventually get your named spelled right.

You have no memories of grandma Penny either. well none of your own, you have mine,  from reading my blog. Which are tainted.



You still have Jonny the little black cat? remember picking him out of grandma's toys?

guess you do remember.

Grandma Penny loved to thrift store shop. Like a crow she collected all sorts of goodies and brought them home. When we would stop by to visit she delighted in having you pick out goodies to take home. Your big ornate silver cross came from her too. Star city was from her too.

I had a different relationship with her. She had a good relationship with you. Don't hold onto my blog memories of her. She was a mother. Mothers and daughters don't always get along. She had a nice relationship with you, there was no pressure to raise you, she could just love and play with you.

She only remembers Grandpa now days. She has what is known as vascular dementia.

I wish she could remember you too.  You both have forgotten each other. Which makes me sad.

Grandma's are important.

And you had two of the best, even if you were too young to remember.

heck, you had a beautiful great-grandma too who loved you also.

and you have been blessed with a new grandma too. One you can reach out too and get to know.

...and what do you know...she's a writer just like you!

Next time we can made the drive, first priority is to take a picture of you and her.  I don't have enough pictures of you with your grandma's. I want to fix that lackingness.

Love,

Mama