no red... no yellow

uugh, frustrating. I have time to blog and the unruly horse within me has grabbed the bit and is refusing to yield to my demands to prance to the sounds of my fingers tapping the key board.

Have stories to tell and my mind is so disconnected from my emotions that I can't reach inside and connect them.

Tried triggering me to write tonight and was unsuccessful.

Nothing is working,

Not even music.

Great, my blog is broken. Sigh.

Restarted the Lyrica yesterday for the neuropathy I am having in all four extremities. Hopefully that is not causing this listlessness and generally just dun'tgiveasheet attitude.

I am having a nerve conduction study done on all four extremities in February. Then they can do an MRI and see what is going on. Last time they did this they only did my left leg and I have nerve damage over my thigh.

And if being me wasn't challenging enough, I have developed a mean case of plantar fasciitis in my right foot. Sigh.

You know, just maybe, ignoring multiple medical condition for 40+ years, isn't such a good idea.

heh.

Sigh.

*Jerks the lead rope and swings the knotted end at the inner horses head.*

He shies back and give me the one eye framed in white as he quivers, awaiting my next move.

*WRITE DAMN YOU!!*

Nervous hooves clack on the pavement as he dances around me, nostril's flaring, lips quivering.

*Give the release writing gives me!* I demand. *Don't leave me trapped in this limbo of needing to write but having no words!*

no red... no yellow

Frustrated I yank the lead rope again, this time so hard the halter comes off with the recoil. The horse half rears and spins kicks at my head, then disappears into my mind.

I tumble to the dirt.

sigh.

What if....what if the tests shows there is nothing wrong with me and the pain is all in my head?

uugh.