Wednesday, February 4, 2015


My brain is soup today.

I made it two days on the increased buspar dose. By the evening of day three, about an hour before I was suppose to take the dose the extrapyramidal side effects started up in my face again. Then I was hit with a sudden wave of hostility. Just out of control anger and aggressive urges to lash out.

Which sadly I ended up doing later that night. I was trying to nap before work and next thing I know I am bashing my face with the dumbbell I use to hold the curtain down.


Why do I have to be so sensitive to medications? why??

I had two days of peace and quiet in my head and then back to the chaos. The increased dose is where I should be. It was working. it was working damn it...

On the physical front, the nerve pain in my hand and feet is maxing out my ability to handle being in that much pain. It is nearing the "the hell with it I'm going to the ER range."

I have one Vicodin left that I am saving incase I can't function at work and need it to make it through my shift. I have requested a refill, but not heard back.

Today my toes felt like they were not getting any blood and were hurting like a bastard. My right hand was numb and having this weird sensation of electrical currents zapping though it. I couldn't take it and I took a Lyrica.

....and that made my brain turn to mush and the muscle pain in my jaw (extrapyramidal side effect, from the buspar dose last week) suddenly re-appear.  Which frightens me as those side effects can be permanent. ready for winter to be over. My old rickety joints can't handle this cold dampness.

Been cleaning all day to keep my hands busy and my mind focused. It ain't spring but I am going to pretend it is and do some deep cleaning. Feels good to have a clean house.

I will finish the story when my mind isn't soupy.

1 comment:

  1. Take your time, space that is needed, you and your health are a priority. Yes I'm curious, but Im patient too. Sitting beside you, my bowl of brain soup friend,
    I wish your medication would just help the way it should, no nasty side affects, but maybe helpful ones like weight loss, better nights rests, calm nerves and mental time and space of joy.
    *setting your lantern next to you too, sitting quietly near*