Been doing only shorts on the blog cause I'm having issues with typing.
THe numbness sin my hanvds mal= tying an disuse. Misseled strokes , strange combos ans I try to typw ith numb hands. Its looks a lotke this. I spend a lotr longwr editing and cotrectign my words them normal.
It feesl like I;'ve had a stroke when I typr. Its bothersome to try to get into the flow aof a story and get lost int eh mental rhytem I type too to look up na dfind the page RED with sqiggles.
I've nassically los tteh use of my little and ring fingers, they are numba dn hard to get to cooperate for long typing sessions.
so I guess there goes my fantasy of making an living as a writer? LOL
This si an unedited version so you can see what is going on.
Its bprobally a good thing menopause has stilled my sriters breain. M ahnds can no longer keep up with it.
Tuesday, June 25, 2019
the truth
Little child
the truth is the puddle you stand in...will never drown you.
pockets of time will open up in your life,
where
the chaos will still , and the truth will be there,
shining like a star.
We are all lost.
we invented time
and this order...we call life.
It's a path that we were herded down like sheep
sold on a lie
placed in pens called houses.
our young plucked from the outside
and placed on desks that open and feed them knowledge from paper.
We were meant to feed our young by our voices,
only the verbal tales that survived passed down are what they need to know.
We cram needless history into their minds,
...carry this...its not yours, but you must carry it...
Each life is one to be lived anew
what you do with it is yours.
we have been separated from the truth.
its forgotten now,
repetition and fear of the elders who obeyed their elders
who obeyed back to the beginning where the masters queued mankind into to the gates to the slaughter house
you will glimpse the truth
in dreams that fade as you open your eyes.
when you can stand in the rain
and your realize if you ignore the drops you can feel the pattern of the space around them
and you too will be unable to
put the truth to words.
the truth is the puddle you stand in...will never drown you.
pockets of time will open up in your life,
where
the chaos will still , and the truth will be there,
shining like a star.
We are all lost.
we invented time
and this order...we call life.
It's a path that we were herded down like sheep
sold on a lie
placed in pens called houses.
our young plucked from the outside
and placed on desks that open and feed them knowledge from paper.
We were meant to feed our young by our voices,
only the verbal tales that survived passed down are what they need to know.
We cram needless history into their minds,
...carry this...its not yours, but you must carry it...
Each life is one to be lived anew
what you do with it is yours.
we have been separated from the truth.
its forgotten now,
repetition and fear of the elders who obeyed their elders
who obeyed back to the beginning where the masters queued mankind into to the gates to the slaughter house
you will glimpse the truth
in dreams that fade as you open your eyes.
when you can stand in the rain
and your realize if you ignore the drops you can feel the pattern of the space around them
and you too will be unable to
put the truth to words.
Sunday, June 16, 2019
Wind child
July 2018 I wrote this story. The idea swept over me and I furiously typed it out. Paused to breath and it was gone. I've come back numerous times and can't find the words (rhythm?) Perimenopause, took me to a headspace where writing was difficult. Now 6 months post menopause, it's like the fertile soil in my brain has soured. No crops crow here. I can see the end, I just can't close it. Posting what I got for you. Warning: unfinished story, I may never be able to finish.
*************************
Little child opened the screen door and saw Grandmother on the porch sitting in her rocker, smiling as the wind rocked the old chair.
"Grandmother where did the wind come from?"
Grandmother shifted her weight and made room on her rocking chair. "come sit with me and I will tell you."
Little child climbed up and snuggled up.
"The wind didn't always blow. She once walked the earth."
"Walked?" asked Little child.
"Yes, walked. The wind once had legs."
Grandmother, pulled her closer and set the rocker in motion. They rocked in silence for a moment.
With tears in her eyes Little child looked up. "W-what happ-ened to her legs?"
"Long ago, when the wind was young, she was a beautiful girl. She was wild and free and....oh so full of life. Everyone back then, when the world was young, moved at a slow pace. But not the wind, she ran everywhere.
She was different. So different, she was seen as an outsider. She had friends, no one could keep up with her. They would happily smile and high five her as she ran by. She stood out, there was no one like her.
No one tried to keep up with her. They couldn't. She was a thing of beauty, with her long hair sweeping around her.
Her mother called her one day.
"Wind child! come inside!"
She obeyed and came inside the dwelling. But she felt suffocated and trapped. As soon as someone opened the door, she was gone in a swirl of dust. Her feet flew fast down the path and over the stone wall.
Her mother called after her. "One day child you will learn to be still!"
"I will not!" she laughed as she disappeared into the forest.
One day they awoke to find strangers in the village.
These stranger's wanted to be guided to the great waters. "We are travelers, trying to find our way back to the water so we can sail home." they said "Can someone show us the way?"
Elder-man stepped up and agreed to guide them.
And they left.
But the earth was young and moved at a slower pace. Elder-man pace was too slow for the strangers.
"We must hurry, the season will change and we will not be able to sail home to our families."
Elder-man sent a message back to the village.
send wind child
it said.
She needed no stick to her flank to get her running. Easily and swiftly she darted through the long grass and before long blew into the group of travelers.
"This way!" she smiled and took flight.
Elder-man tried to keep up with the group, but he could not. He was too rooted to move that fast. The last he saw of her was the dirty soles of feet flashing as she disappeared in the distance.
The strangers couldn't even keep up with her. Many times she had to double back and push there backs to hurry them along.
When the dark ground gave way to light sand she finally halted. She knew the way to the big waters but she had never traveled there.
The endless green water. The empty blue sky.
a large brown boat.
"Come aboard, and eat before you make the return trip." they said.
She followed them inside.
on her plate they set food, and as she took a bite, they shut the door.
She looked up alarmed, and rose to her feet.
"You will come with us." they said.
"I will not!" she said fiercely. Her face growing dark with swirling shadows.
"We will keep you. Your much too fast for those slow pokes in the village."
She began to run and run around the room knocking over everything as her rage grew into a violent storm.
They grabbed her and chained her.
She kicked them.
"OBEY!!" they commanded.
"I will not!" she grumbled and curled up in a ball.
Ships had to be rowed in those days before there was wind. The journey was slow, so slow. Like life and the people back at the village.
Wind child used every chance she got to escape and squeeze through the cracks and stand on the deck. Where she would stare longingly as the fading shore. Until one trip to the deck she found only endless water around her.
"Crazy legs, you can't escape now." laughed the crew.
"I will." she murmured.
They chained her again and again.
Until one day they lost patience and they took her legs from her.
"There! now you will stay put!" they shouted as they threw her legs over board.
"I will not!" she said and drew in a deep breath and as she exhaled slipped from her body and took flight.
Around and around the boat she flew. "Be gone " she said to the sailors and pushed the boat away.
She glided quietly across the big water. She grew tired and needed to rest. Where do you rest when you are just a gust of wind? Where do you go if you are not moving? Do you cease to exist?
Frightened she called out. "Big water, I need a place to rest my head."
The ocean stirred and tossed up waves full of sea foam into the air.
She gathered them into a pillow and rested her head on them, "I will call these clouds." She rested her head on them.
Even then she could not be still. She pushed the white fluffy clouds in the direction of the land.
*************************
Little child opened the screen door and saw Grandmother on the porch sitting in her rocker, smiling as the wind rocked the old chair.
"Grandmother where did the wind come from?"
Grandmother shifted her weight and made room on her rocking chair. "come sit with me and I will tell you."
Little child climbed up and snuggled up.
"The wind didn't always blow. She once walked the earth."
"Walked?" asked Little child.
"Yes, walked. The wind once had legs."
Grandmother, pulled her closer and set the rocker in motion. They rocked in silence for a moment.
With tears in her eyes Little child looked up. "W-what happ-ened to her legs?"
"Long ago, when the wind was young, she was a beautiful girl. She was wild and free and....oh so full of life. Everyone back then, when the world was young, moved at a slow pace. But not the wind, she ran everywhere.
She was different. So different, she was seen as an outsider. She had friends, no one could keep up with her. They would happily smile and high five her as she ran by. She stood out, there was no one like her.
No one tried to keep up with her. They couldn't. She was a thing of beauty, with her long hair sweeping around her.
Her mother called her one day.
"Wind child! come inside!"
She obeyed and came inside the dwelling. But she felt suffocated and trapped. As soon as someone opened the door, she was gone in a swirl of dust. Her feet flew fast down the path and over the stone wall.
Her mother called after her. "One day child you will learn to be still!"
"I will not!" she laughed as she disappeared into the forest.
One day they awoke to find strangers in the village.
These stranger's wanted to be guided to the great waters. "We are travelers, trying to find our way back to the water so we can sail home." they said "Can someone show us the way?"
Elder-man stepped up and agreed to guide them.
And they left.
But the earth was young and moved at a slower pace. Elder-man pace was too slow for the strangers.
"We must hurry, the season will change and we will not be able to sail home to our families."
Elder-man sent a message back to the village.
send wind child
it said.
She needed no stick to her flank to get her running. Easily and swiftly she darted through the long grass and before long blew into the group of travelers.
"This way!" she smiled and took flight.
Elder-man tried to keep up with the group, but he could not. He was too rooted to move that fast. The last he saw of her was the dirty soles of feet flashing as she disappeared in the distance.
The strangers couldn't even keep up with her. Many times she had to double back and push there backs to hurry them along.
When the dark ground gave way to light sand she finally halted. She knew the way to the big waters but she had never traveled there.
The endless green water. The empty blue sky.
a large brown boat.
"Come aboard, and eat before you make the return trip." they said.
She followed them inside.
on her plate they set food, and as she took a bite, they shut the door.
She looked up alarmed, and rose to her feet.
"You will come with us." they said.
"I will not!" she said fiercely. Her face growing dark with swirling shadows.
"We will keep you. Your much too fast for those slow pokes in the village."
She began to run and run around the room knocking over everything as her rage grew into a violent storm.
They grabbed her and chained her.
She kicked them.
"OBEY!!" they commanded.
"I will not!" she grumbled and curled up in a ball.
Ships had to be rowed in those days before there was wind. The journey was slow, so slow. Like life and the people back at the village.
Wind child used every chance she got to escape and squeeze through the cracks and stand on the deck. Where she would stare longingly as the fading shore. Until one trip to the deck she found only endless water around her.
"Crazy legs, you can't escape now." laughed the crew.
"I will." she murmured.
They chained her again and again.
Until one day they lost patience and they took her legs from her.
"There! now you will stay put!" they shouted as they threw her legs over board.
"I will not!" she said and drew in a deep breath and as she exhaled slipped from her body and took flight.
Around and around the boat she flew. "Be gone " she said to the sailors and pushed the boat away.
She glided quietly across the big water. She grew tired and needed to rest. Where do you rest when you are just a gust of wind? Where do you go if you are not moving? Do you cease to exist?
Frightened she called out. "Big water, I need a place to rest my head."
The ocean stirred and tossed up waves full of sea foam into the air.
She gathered them into a pillow and rested her head on them, "I will call these clouds." She rested her head on them.
Even then she could not be still. She pushed the white fluffy clouds in the direction of the land.
Wednesday, June 12, 2019
cascade
it starts with one
one thought
like a key
it opens
a dark door in my brain
and one turns into
two
and it awakes
three
four
chest tightens
breathing becomes difficult
and the pain bows the gates
tears spill over
a ragged breath drawn in
and the pressure
eases
and
being able to breath again
shores up the levee
one thought
like a key
it opens
a dark door in my brain
and one turns into
two
and it awakes
three
four
chest tightens
breathing becomes difficult
and the pain bows the gates
tears spill over
a ragged breath drawn in
and the pressure
eases
and
being able to breath again
shores up the levee
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