I was born on the kitchen table
tumbled down sixteen stairs
and placed second in a beauty pageant
all before I turned five.
I've eaten yellow snow on a dare
snorted grape soda up my nose
melted army men on the stove
learned the secret to catching lightning
got lost in Disney Land
watched three of my brothers die
and froze my tongue to a stop sign pole
all before I turned ten.
I danced naked as snow fell in the redwoods
felt dirt shoveled down upon me
as Ro____ buried me alive
wore the jewels of the Princess of Lippy Germany
held séances in the dark
Disfigured Ri___'s face with a pickaxe
eaten fire and grazed like a cow
and completed a novel
all before I turned fifteen.
I've felt the hand of a demented man cuff me across the face
flunked English 121
discovered Halloween candy I hid when I was seven
stared deep into the emerald green eyes of a panther
her warm breath on mine
and held the hands of countless people as they have died
all before I turned twenty
I've delivered puppies in the backseat
while parked at Shop n' Kart
journeyed into the dreamtime
got lost again in Disney Land
grew hair on my neck
crushed myself in my car
kisses a hog
and hung candy canes in the forest
all before I turned twenty-five
I've danced sacred dances
with eagle feathers in my hair and doe's skin on mine
began dreaming in Japanese
taught my son the secret to catching lightning
felt the bay mare rear and flip....
caught her in my lap
and fell in love with my friend John
all before I turned thirty
I've nursed piglets
watched three friends die of brain tumors
pieced my nipple
castled kingside and opened a door to a whole new world
accepted a proposal in the park
joined the Russell clan
all before I turned thirty-five
I've switched my mind off and hibernated
got lost in cyberspace
sold my childhood on EBay
gave birth to a son who almost died
got out of debt
and then right back in
all before I turned forty
I've been kissed by a sea lion
fought with my daughter
before she even left my uterus
got lost in Norrath
got lost in my own head again.
set sail on the seas of depression
all before I turned forty-five
Threw away my novel
Started a blog
Taught the internet the secret to catching lightning
got crushed again by a car
switched from LTC to ALF
won a game of chess against a Fide Master
Got put on the right medication for my head, and
learned to play Mahjong
all before I turned fifty
(c) Jan 9, 1992
When I posted this last time, It got a few comments.
Take note of particularly this one:
Blogzilly , July 3, 2012 4:49 PM
And how DO you catch lightning, anyway?
July 3, 2012 - - - - 2012???!!! Great scott!! Do I always take this long to answer questions? No wonder I don't have friends!! They probably got really tired of waiting for me to do things!!
Thank you for asking Blogzilly...your question actually helped me a lot. Now I can fill in another part of my fives.
"Taught the internet the secret to catching lightening"
Which I will do in the next post...
no really....I will...