Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Buckle up

There are things in life that all of us must endure.  Some secrets and some monsters that we wrestle with deep inside. Things we dare not say aloud, least we jar the lid of Pandora's box open, knowing full well that if we lift that lid it will change shape and distort and never, never close properly again.

Things and thoughts that gnaw at our souls and make us weary. Things that touch us like a branding iron, heating and bubbling our sense of self and leaving us with an unhealing festering sore who's constant irritation hounds us...ultimately causing us to doubt our sanity.

Things that detonate like a landmind in your head causing your skull to tent and fracture, but not enough to explode and spew your brains out. leaving you damaged and in pain, without anyone being able to see the damage.

Pain so great it forces you out of alignment with the planet, leaving you listing and forever feeling like you are falling. You reach to support your self only to find that there is nothing there to grab onto, because you are a ghost in the here and now. There is this heaviness that you can't lift in the air and as you draw in a breath you feeling like you are suffocating.

Pain so great that you can't even look in the mirror and face the tortured face there. The shattered trust still evident by the bloody shards still working there way out from within you. The victim of a crime, you must now live on. No evidence, save for the wailing in your soul that no once can hear.

Memories so dark there is no where to hide them in your mind. You resort to spinning them in a loop in your head. When they surface you can't face there awfulness. You can't. But for a moment you allow them to latch on and rip another hunk of you heart out. Then you push them down again to disappear like a comet in your mind, safe until there orbit bring them round again.

Cryptic cries for help no one hears. No one will ever hear. Just a moment of silence. A glance. A shifting of your eyes as you fight the rage within. Double clutching as you shift from here to there seamlessly. Never slowing down. senselessly running from something you carry within you.

Having the strength day after day to get up and face the world, never allowing them to see your ripped and torn sense of self. Failing, at one task, then another, till you wonder if ... if the pain will gut you from the inside one day.

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Send no monkeys

On July 30th 1996 I opened the mail box to find an envelope addressed to "Baja _____" in my sisters writing. In the return address was an interest perking, ominous three words...."Unknown chain letter." It made me laugh out loud at the mail box. What was my sister up to in this letter?

I opened it and ended up laying in the ditch in front of the mail box laughing so hard I couldn't stand up. So after 18 years I am finally passing on the chain letter...

...because I am ready to receive good hair.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014


Just because someone is your sister doesn't mean they have to like you. I think my older sister tolerated me an awful lot in childhood. We were two different breeds. She was an out going tend setter, while I was a eccentric lunatic.

After she moved out at 18, we became off and on again pen pals. Dueling with each other in hysterical letters. I have kept all her letters. Just in case I need to present them as evidence in court  ever wanted to read them again.

They are hysterical. I will share her altered-chain letter as soon as I can figure out how to make it readable.

So much of her writing to me is so warped and wonderfully funny that I can't share it. Our jokes are biting and often so obscure that others would not get the joke.

This is my favorite thing she ever wrote to me. I was a tweenager and she the all powerful teenager.

I can remember getting this card very vividly. I was shocked that my sister who barely acknowledged my existence would take the time to give me a VD card. It also made me a bit paranoid as it had been years since our mother had stopped forcing us to give each other VD cards.

February 1977

I turned it over expecting to find just her signature,  but instead found this declaration of her true sisterly love.


*sniff* Gets me every time. I stand humbled at her sheer greatness. I love you too sister!

Monday, January 13, 2014

I have issues with authority.

Even when I am the one issuing the authority.

Told myself I couldn't post a picture of my butt that I found while looking for another picture.

My response?


How about some of my pee then?


Sunday, January 12, 2014

one through four

Question from a reader:  If #5 was" make the world a better place" what were the 1-4 new years resolutions?

Not as exciting I am afraid.

1. Stop crusting the kids toast.

Sure sounds simple doesn't it? I have already failed at this one. My son with oral sensation issues who hates food to begin with, nearly died of cardiac arrest when I handed him toast with crust.
"I guess I will just stop eating toast!" he wailed.
I sighed, pondering do I fight this? Or do I put my foot down? Hard looked at the facts, My son eats toast and Broccoli and chicken right now (That's it). I marched back to the kitchen and crusted his toast.
I am still trying to work up the nerve to present my daughter with toast with crust.

2. Get back on track with eating right again.

Closet thing to a green vegetable my daughter has consumed in 6 months was when her brother tripped her and she fell in the grass and got some in her mouth.

3. new work clothes

Beings I work remotely most of the time now, there is really no reason to get dressed...or do my hair, shave my legs, heck even to put my teeth in. I roam around the house dressed in barely more then a wookie.

4. I couldn't come up with a # 4 so skipped to #5.

and that was as many challenges as I wanted to tackle this year.

Ehhhh....I should postdate # 4 to be : "continue to resist the urge to post a picture of your butt on your blog...Just to keep the world safe and not screw up #5 which I accomplished yesterday, eh?

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Blogground check

So taking my cue from the Greeks, who would have present three tragedies and then a comedy play on theater night, I'm going to switch to some fluffy lighter stuff while I wrestle with the next deep story I am working on. I don't want to make you suffer through a three part-er again so trying to finish it all at once.

In the mean time I am faced with an interesting dilemma. Hansolo joined Girl Scouts this school year and is now up and running in the cookie season.

For me to be able to help out at the booth sales, I must register and have a background check done.



Lets have a good look at my back ground.

In 1969 I was in a gang...

Their not going to go back that far!

No? Dang it I was rocking those shades as I roamed the range on Marvel the Mustang.

Their looking for criminal activity.

hmmmm...well then they should skip the background check and do a blogground check then. I have confessed to murder just recently...



You just invented a whole new word. "Blogground check."

Great, the government will run with it and waste more of our tax money to set up the BGC agencies to check all our blogs. The financial burden of hiring people to read and then debrief from reading blogs all day will cripple out economy and the free world will be hamstringed and die a horrible death.

But, wait....that means I will get more readers....WE WILL ALL GET MORE READERS!

This could work!

oh the possibilities! I could be hired to do ghost-blogging, for people who want to have a good blogground check on file....or make even more money by writing bad blogs for those who want to fail their blogground checks to stay on unemployment!

Not only have I added a new word to the world I have created multiple new jobs and endless financial wealth for myself!

You can cross off number 5 on you list of new years resolutions, now.

Oh yeah!

5. Make the world a better place.

Yup, boom baby done.

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Boob photos!

Oh get your mind out of the gutter, these aren't pictures OF my boobs, they're pictures my boobs TOOK.

Besides haven't you seen enough of my boobs?

It is important to know about me, that I have a history of getting camera's and never reading the manual. I just assume because my great-grandfather was an award winning photographer, as well as my aunt and sister too that I should naturally just take dazzling photographs with ease, as well as have complete mastery of the camera.

My first 35mm was a nice camera and I loved it. After about a year of use I wanted a self timer so I bought one for the camera. After unsuccessfully attaching it I went to my much wiser sister and ask for her help. She got the manual and read it. After a few minutes she looked up suddenly and whacked me in the head with the manual, and laughed "Your camera has a BUILD in self timer!"


To forever remember my shame she made me pose with it and we deliberately broke as many rules of "good photography" as we could.

Rules of photography broken:
1. post coming out of head
2. photographers shadow on subject
3. cluttered back ground
4. direct sunlight open aperture

When I got my new camera in 2012 My first real chance to road test it was at the family reunion. I mean I hadn't even learned much about it, except, how to turn it off and on and how to put it on the idiot setting. You know the one, that does all the thinking for you.

We had all gathered for the group shot and I had to kneel down to get in the shot. I tucked my camera under my boob and held it there with my knee.

After the pictures I wandered up the parking lot and on my way back down saw these flowers. I stopped and snapped a quick shot. As I adjusted the zoom lens for the second shot I noticed that my boob had messed with the settings so I turned it back to the idiot setting.

this was the picture my boob took.

This is the picture I took after resetting the camera.

I wasn't even aware my boob new how to use the other settings let alone the zoom lens!

Earlier this month in the snow, I went out to take some shots and knelt down to tie my shoe and the same scenario happened. Used my boob and knee to hold the camera for a second.

This time when I stood back up I noticed the new settings my boob put the camera on. I laughed recalling the above photo and left the camera on the strange settings.

These are the latest boob photos! Go figure my cleavage knows my camera better than I do!

Now if I could just get by boobs to do the dishes or something productive!

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Dear Pfizer;

 Last communication from you, was in May 2013 when you cheerfully told the world,

 "Pfizer regrets the inconvenience this action may have caused and is working to resolve the issue as quickly as possible. It is anticipated that LEVOXYL may not be available until 2014." 

*&^*&%$^#$&^(*&)(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  its 2014 already! What's the hold up?

" regrets the inconvenience "??? Some people who have to take your medicine have damaged or non-functioning thyroids, or no thyroids at all. It's not like we can substitute just anything. Thyroids are temperamental little bastards. Mine only likes your medication.

My new years resolution? to stay ALIVE.

Its been six months and one day, my patience is wearing out. I have to resort to doping my mental health into a coma to keep from falling apart. I have two new burn scars, I am tired of this nuttiness within my system, I want to go back on the levoxyl and get my life back.

Its not been a pleasant ride.

Sincerely yours,