Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Rheumatology appointment count down, one day left...

Extremely stressed about my appointment tomorrow with the rheumatologist.  (don't worry I am not going alone, have support person lined up to baby sit me.)

Using my standard set of positive coping skills I am taking care of my self. Go to the store and in check out line behind a elderly couple. Their  transaction is snagging up and its a long wait.

My pain today is in the GO-TO-THE-ER-NOW range. I am very uncomfortable standing. The woman turns to me and says:

"sorry it's taking so long. At least you don't have back and neck pain."

Gee, thanks lady for making my day so much worse with your faulty x-ray vision and crappy diagnosis.

Cause I LOVE being in "invisible pain"

I know the appointment isn't going to be a easy, quick diagnosis. It will be another step in the process of eliminating differential diagnosis, and continuing on the path to getting me properly diagnosed.

Top things I don't want to hear tomorrow.

1. There is nothing wrong with you.
2. It's your thyroid. - cause OMG I will snap a gasket if they put me back in that loop again!!
3. You shouldn't be working - well DUHH!!! don't tell me that shit unless your going to support me.
4. It's fibromyalgia. - (that's Latin for "We have no idea what is wrong with you")

Things I wouldn't mind hearing....

1. It's terminal - Yeah!! there is an end to this pain!!

Okay that is just sad. That my pain control is so outta whack that DEATH is more appealing then living in this much pain. UUgh.

What I am hoping for is ANYTHING that will help me maintain my current level of functioning and keep it from this awful deteriorating slide it's in. I need to keep working, I need to keep parenting, I need to keep living...and living at this moment, after struggling daily since May, has ZERO quality of life to it. I am ready to toss in the towel.

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