When is it okay to ask about someones scars?

For FIFTH time this summer I have been asked by a medical professional about my scars while in a vulnerable position.

*adds, 'blogging about when it IS appropriate to ask abuse survivors about their scars', to my list of things to do today.*

#justahintitsNOTwhenIdonthavepantson

This is going to sound a tad bit hostile, and that because I'm a bit stirred up about it. I will make nice in another post and do a polite one.

Then again maybe not.

This why I speak up about self injury! For the love of pete if I was not as well wrapped as I am this would have triggered the hell out of me!

Medical professionals: please listen.

CLOSELY

The number one most common denominator among self injurers is a history of sexual abuse!!

Self injury is about control. (I determine when and where I feel pain)

Self injury is deep pain speaking in blood. Pain so deep it can't be translated into words.

Self injures can be very self conscious of their scars. Going to a doctor and having them be revealed during an exam is a threatening, terrifying, nauseating, anxiety provoking thought. Terrifying enough to stop people from seeking medical help.

So when you ask someone who is 1/2 naked, laying on a table, while you are standing over them and or touching them YOU ARE VIOLATING ALL FOUR OF THE THINGS LISTED ABOVE!

YOU MAYBE THE FIRST PERSON TO EVER SEE THESE SCARS!!

What you need to do is take note of them and then AFTER they are dressed again and you are BOTH sitting at a even level, ask about them.

But NOT like this:

"So tell me about your scars."

Just because you have an MD after your name doesn't mean you get to have access to painful memories via a quick icepick lobotomy to satisfy your curiosity. Don't violate the person.

Ask gently.  "May I ask about your scars?"

If they say no, BACKTHEHELLOFF it's okay to follow up with, "This is a safe place if you ever want to talk about them."

Plant the seed of trust and openness, by just making yourself available.

Years ago the orthopedic doctor who repaired my pelvis did it SPOT ON:

Dr Namechangedforprivacy shut the door to my room and paused for second, then took a deep breath and come over and sat on the edge of my hospital bed. It was 4 hours after surgery and I was finally awake enough to talk to him.

"I saw your scars during surgery and I wanted to talk to you about them." He said quietly, gesturing to my abdomen. "can you tell me what happened?"

I took in a ragged breath and launched into the story.

He just wanted to make sure I was not in danger or in an abusive situation.

So I know it can be done!

DO IT!