Wednesday, October 16, 2013

For my daughters

For my daughters. Not just the one I birthed but all the ones that I have.

This is just in case I don't live to see you have your own children.

There is so much that women do not tell each other about pregnancy and labor/delivery.

I want to pass onto you some insights.

I never bought into that whole "Oh I turned into a raving BEOTCH in the delivery room and screamed like a MoFu at my was so funny!" bullshit.

Dear ones, your first labor will be a brand new experience. Your brain will literally be laying new memories as you contract. Your DNA is being stimulated down to the primal core. You are just along for the ride. once things get rolling your body takes over and you are conscious as your brain is making new memories. It is a bit on the freaky side. To do something you have never done before, yet deep down your body acts like its done this a million times.

All the classes and books give you a false sense that you can control your labor. What they should be doing is focusing on teaching you what your body is doing and the best way for you to stay out of its way as it does  its job. You and your body have never given birth before, nothing can really prepare you for this journey that you must walk. You will find your second labor delivery less stressful as then you WILL have the mental and body memories and the fear of the unknown is replaced with a....been there done this... knowledge.

You don't get to control labor, but you do get to control your reaction to it.

Its a bit unnerving when labor starts and you quickly realize you don't get to call the shots. Normal coping skills suddenly are worthless. You will realize the Lamaze breathing skills were never meant to ease the pain but rather to keep you mind focused, like a spot focused meditation.

Men in the delivery room.

If you can't be loving and supporting to your man, don't let him come in. Childbirth is NOT an excuse to be abusive to your spouse.

Let me repeat that in the tone it deserves.

Childbirth is NOT an excuse to be abusive to your spouse.

This is all new to him as well. Your body is dictating what you do, his doesn't. Unless you communicate what you would like him to do he probably will just hang around feeling like he is in the way. He has no deep primal command that says do this, do that, while your wife is having your child.

While developing your birthing plan, work with him to develop his as well. Have a code for him to clear out if you want some alone time.

I was determined not to be one of those women who curse at their husband. A head of time I came up with a code to use if I felt the urge to be abusive/curse. (I didn't know if that was a given thing all women do, It was just what the media and other women have reported to me a bazillion times over to a point it sounded to me it was a given vs a choice.)

My code was instead of being angry/abusive/cursing I would say: "My forehead needs a kiss."

I figured, it would give him something to do, remind me of the love that we shared, be a focus point, and help me remember to be kind to my body as it birthed my children.

As it turned out I never felt the need to be mean/abusive to my husband. The media's false reporting of abusive laboring wives was a much peddled fallacy. A lie that has been spreading its poison for too long.

At one point in my first labor, I was in danger of loosing control of my little thread of control I had and dissolving into pain induced freak out, so I called out to my husband in a panic, "COREY!" Then my mind couldn't form any words, after a few seconds I said the only thing my subconscious had pre-programmed in there. "My forehead needs a kiss."

He came right over and swept my bangs aside and gently kissed my forehead.

I was able to draw strength from his presence and touch. I calmed right down. I called for a kiss several times my first delivery, (Hansolo came so fast I never got a chance to call for anything!) I can't imagine labor delivery without his gently loving presence. I hope the men you choose to marry will be as loving and gentle to you as the one who found me.

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