Say goodbye

This is old.  Like 2013 old.  An online friend of 10 years just vanished over night. We all struggled with the loss. I wrote this at the time. We later reconnected and learned what happened.

As I am approaching my surgery date, I am having gut pings to "say goodbye"

I know totally irrational, but hey that is how my mind works. I think I may do just that. Wouldn't you want to hear all the wonderful things your loved one has to say about you?

I don't do these to be morbid. It blesses me to see in print just how blessed I am to have so many people who I love and admire in my life.

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Pitching to the left I struggle through the familiar darkness. My path uneven at the moment. Needing to sit quietly by your light I scan the landscape. Locating it I trudge toward it.

I find your lantern firmly nailed to the fence post.

My own lantern slides from my hand.  I stand quietly, like a lost child.

slowly I reach up and hold your lanterns handle. Your presence still strong. Your love of us still warming the handle.

 I stand quietly bawling.

Not for me.

Partly for you, partly for all those hurting souls out there who will miss the change to meet you and find comfort and understanding in your gentle words.

Being a writer, my mind wants an answer, and not finding one
it fills in the blanks.

Two possible paths here stretch before you, one you were layed off. Two your working silently behind the scenes.

Either way, my friend = pain for you. To suddenly be disconnected from the voices of all the souls you moderate.

I pray you are working quietly behind the scenes. The thought of you being unemployed and facing that panic and uncertainty, just breaks my heart.

If that is the case, then to you offer this advice.

You will be okay, Don't allow the fear and uncertainty to stop you. This moment in time is just another beast. You have fought bigger ones. Clear your head so you can hear your heart, and it will lead you to your next job.

I pray you will find a job that will offer you financial security and love you as much as you were loved here. I hope in your next job you are blessed to have a Paja working there too. I hear they are nice to work with.

And if your path is still with XXXXXXX, well that changes things.

To that time line I would offer this advice.

Take a deep breath.  Change is never easy, and with big corporations and there love of monkeying with stuff, you had better fasten the latches on your life jacket. In cases like this, you must go with the flow. Hang on and do what you need to do to keep your job. Be loyal to your own needs, and who signs your check.

We know you love us. We know what ever the path is, you are hurting. You are grieving. *hands you a tissue* It will ease with time my friend. You may feel isolated and alone, but we got your back sister. Wraps the SA pink blanket firmly around you.

I want you to know that "change" isn't a friendship breaker. That you will be my friend until one of us breaths no more.

My offer to do a print run of all my children's books for your grand babies will never expire. All you need is ask.

I'm still here. The board is still here. Your SI family is still here. Right here where you tacked your lantern.

when you posted about the lights of the board. I got an uneasy feeling in my gut. Reading between the lines like I do I picked up a second meaning. Intended or not, it came across as a salute and a "letting go"

Thank you for that.

Thank you for all your hard work over the years.

Thank you for always hearing me....all of me's.

Thank you for cleaning up the olives I dropped all over the SI and SA boards.

Thank you for laughing at my silly stuff.

Thank you for drying my tears.

and thank you for doing such an incredible job over the years.

I will look for you at the cat park, the redwoods, the ocean, and all the other magical places out there, because I know you will do just as you commanded us to do. Shine on.