What thyroid brain fog is like

I'm going to tell you 5 colors, remember them.

ready?

Green, purple, red, black and blue.

Got them?

No peaking ...

Okay, repeat back to me the five shapes I just told you.

....uh, nope those are colors, I gave you a list of shapes. Weren't you listening?

I am waiting.

can't tell me the shapes I just told you? hmmm...lets try something else then.

What is the name of the gold fish you had in 8th grade?

How about the dog with the 1/2 a tail that you owned when you lived on the house boat?

How about an easy one....tell me about the month long cruise you were on last summer?

yup, its like that. Its like having someone come in and purge sections of your memory from you. Its like suddenly developing Alzheimer's disease over night. Its frightening and disturbing to have pockets of air in your mind were memories should go.

Its a hellish place of no fun. It makes life much harder.

I finally couldn't take the generic thyroid medication anymore, it was causing massive anxiety and brain fog. To the point my judgement was impaired and I came really close to driving myself to the ER one night because I was so afraid of offing myself. The anxiety was crippling and disturbing my ability to work and think properly. I made several decisions in July that were detrimental and damaging to myself and others.

My labs were elevated indicating slight hypothyroidism. They pulled me off the generic and put me on synthroid.

and

OMG

The very next day, I was magically returned to the land of the living. I have not felt this good since the RAI in 2008.  I should have been put on this brand waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back when I gave the list of side effects to the endocrinologist.

He told me....the sudden appearance of crippling anxiety, the pain in my legs, the itchy patch across my back were ....and I quote...."all in my head."

When I argued with him and informed him that I had NONE of there symptoms before starting the levoxyl, he gave me a script for ativan.

....and I kept complaining on deaf ears for 2 more years before I just gave up.

I reset my inner sense of balance to a new base line. I made the madness I was enduring daily the new normal. I had to for my own sanity. I knew I had to take thyroid replacement for the rest of my life. I just shut the hell up and stopped complaining and reporting the side effects.

Three years post the RAI I went through a really rough stretch and boy did suicide look mighty inviting. I litterally felt like I was dragging a corpse around with me. I suffered needlessly. Too afraid to go to the doctor and tell him the symptoms. I knew it wasn't in my head...it was in my neck!

The recall of the levoxyl has been the best thing for me.

Now I know....that for the last  *&&^!^%$##$%^&* FIVE years, I have been on the wrong medication.

I feel 100% better.

I, for the first time since June 2008, feel like me again.

At long last the thyroid nightmare is dissipating.