The pain is consuming me tonight. Can't sleep.
My life experiences that lead to this pain reads like some "don't try this at home kids" list.
Don't wrestle dementia residents,
Don't ride wild horses,
Don't run in socks on freshly mopped floors,
Don't hesitate mid rotation while doing an axel on roller skates
Don't crush yourself in your car door
but the pain makes me who I am.
Tucked in an old man last night and watched him take his final breaths.
I am glad I was there to carefully wash and adjust him so that his last moments were as kind as his first.
A complete circle.
Birthed to loving arm that eagerly held him. A mother's kind loving face saying "hello"
to an incredible journey that made him who he was.
His path winding through the cosmos until he found himself on a stretch where he was walking with new faces and fellow travelers.
till it's my face he see's.
I cradle him on a sea of pillows and position his worn out, failing body with skilled precision.
My own pain knowledge give me an incredible insight into the pain of others.
I see him relax and let go.
I look him in the eyes and complete the circle by sending him off with a loving smile. I leave him to his journey and slip quietly from his room.
oh to die with no pain.
He did it right.