By Fives (2020 edition)

A little early this year, but hells bells so much going on I had no trouble coming up with this block! Some years I've struggled, but not this one!


By Fives

I was born on the kitchen table

tumbled down sixteen stairs

attempted suicide

and placed second in a beauty pageant

all before I turned five.

I've eaten yellow snow on a dare

snorted grape soda up my nose

melted army men on the stove

learned the secret to catching lightning

got lost in Disney Land

watched three of my brothers die

and froze my tongue to a stop sign pole

all before I turned ten.

I danced naked as snow fell in the redwoods

felt dirt shoveled down upon me

as Ro____ buried me alive

wore the jewels of the Princess of Lippy Germany

held séances in the dark

Disfigured Ri___'s face with a pickaxe

eaten fire and grazed like a cow

and completed a novel

all before I turned fifteen.

I've felt the hand of a demented man cuff me across the face

flunked English 121

discovered Halloween candy I hid when I was seven

stared deep into the emerald green eyes of a panther

her warm breath on mine

and held the hands of countless people as they have died

all before I turned twenty

I've delivered puppies in the backseat

while parked at Shop n' Kart

journeyed into the dreamtime

got lost again in Disney Land

grew hair on my neck

crushed myself in my car

kisses a hog

and hung candy canes in the forest

all before I turned twenty-five

I've danced sacred dances

with eagle feathers in my hair and doe's skin on mine

began dreaming in Japanese

taught my son the secret to catching lightning

felt the bay mare rear and flip....

caught her in my lap

and fell in love with my friend John

all before I turned thirty

I've nursed piglets

watched three friends die of brain tumors

pieced my nipple

castled kingside and opened a door to a whole new world

accepted a proposal in the park

joined the Russell clan

all before I turned thirty-five

I've switched my mind off and hibernated

got lost in cyberspace

sold my childhood on EBay

gave birth to a son who almost died

got out of debt

and then right back in

all before I turned forty

I've been kissed by a sea lion

fought with my daughter

before she even left my uterus

swallowed radiation

got lost in Norrath

got lost in my own head again.

set sail on the seas of depression

all before I turned forty-five

Threw away my novel

Started a blog

Taught the internet the secret to catching lightning

got crushed again by a car

switched from LTC to ALF

won a game of chess against a Fide Master

Got put on the right medication for my head, and

learned to play Mahjong

all before I turned fifty

Watched my son almost die again,

joined a cult on YouTube

stole the light of a thousand stars,

and fed all of it to the darkness in my mind.
developed a rare disease,

avoided Covid 19.
Became one with the Floor

and watched my daughter become a serial killer,

all before I turned fifty-five.

(c) Jan 9, 1992 - original.