Becoming a father

It is funny, when you choose a man to marry you have an idea of what type of provide and husband he will be but its hard to really know what kind of a father he will be.

For me I had been practicing parenting on the farm kids, but my husband didn't have that back ground. He learned to be a parent as his own children came into being.

It was a very strange thing for me to share my children. To learn to co-parent with someone. It was hard to learn to stop and get the input from my husband. It was no longer me…it was us, and these weren't my kids they were our kids.

JUR spent the first four days of his life in the NICU after the hospital tried to kill him due to low blood sugars. I pumped BM for him and Corey got to jump in and feed him. The nurses where thrilled to have a father who was hands on and willing to get in there. They wanted to run off with him.

I was beginning to put together an image of they type of father he would be. And I was liking what I saw.

I love that he took the time to spend with his baby. This is the picture that just melts my heart as I see father and son checking each other out. This is the type of father I wanted for my kids.

It was a neat thing to watch Corey grow as a father and try things.

We were traveling when JUR was less then a year old. Stopping at rest stop I ran into go pee and when I came out there was Corey holding JUR up so he could play in the water dripping off the roof. I stopped and just watched as my eyes filled up with tears. I would have done the same thing, but it surprised me that he thought of it. I underestimated his desire to show his son the wonders of this world.

By the time Hansolo rolled in I could see he was comfortable in his role.

My mother never let my father parent. She ran the house, she raised us her way. I was mindful of that and tried not to be the same way. I feel I failed on that aspect, simply because I was primary care giver. 

In some weird way the biggest challenge he faces as a father is...me. And that is unsettling to me. I wonder if its because in the future our son becomes a gun wielding psychopath, the world will automatically blame me. The buck always seems to stops with the mothers.

I hope he can see the work I have put in for the past thirteen years to conceive and birth healthy children for him, and to help him raise them to be good humans. I hope he has enjoyed fatherhood so far. 

Fathers are so important. I have raised fatherless kids. I could be many things to them, but I could not be a father. I am so glad mine have a father they get to grow up with.