You were never meant to read my blog at ten years old.
You were to find a hard copy in my possessions after I died. You were suppose to be a grown woman long gone from home when you discovered it.
I never wrote it thinking, my ten year old daughter would be reading my words.
I didn't fathom what affect it would have on you.
It tainted your relationship with your grandma., and for that I am truly sorry.
You were only three when she started having the strokes. Started having memory issues from them. She started forgetting around this time. Her life and memories fading at a rapid pace.
She loved you little one. Coming over to the house and lavishing all her thrift store treasures on you. You loved to play with her.
Before Dad and I had kids we talked about how old I was. We both discussed how that any children we had might have there own children cheated out of having me as there grandma because of my age.
Grandma's are important.
It didn't occur to me that my own children would get jipped in the grandma department.
Grandma Ginny loved you too. You were six when she died.
It guts me you have no memories of her.
You missed out on such a wonderful woman. Kind and gently like her son, your father.
She made you two dresses. Hold on to them.
they are tangible little reminders she loved you. Don't worry she would eventually get your named spelled right.
You have no memories of grandma Penny either. well none of your own, you have mine, from reading my blog. Which are tainted.
You still have Jonny the little black cat? remember picking him out of grandma's toys?
Grandma Penny loved to thrift store shop. Like a crow she collected all sorts of goodies and brought them home. When we would stop by to visit she delighted in having you pick out goodies to take home. Your big ornate silver cross came from her too. Star city was from her too.
I had a different relationship with her. She had a good relationship with you. Don't hold onto my blog memories of her. She was a mother. Mothers and daughters don't always get along. She had a nice relationship with you, there was no pressure to raise you, she could just love and play with you.
She only remembers Grandpa now days. She has what is known as vascular dementia.
I wish she could remember you too. You both have forgotten each other. Which makes me sad.
Grandma's are important.
And you had two of the best, even if you were too young to remember.
heck, you had a beautiful great-grandma too who loved you also.
and you have been blessed with a new grandma too. One you can reach out too and get to know.
...and what do you know...she's a writer just like you!
Next time we can made the drive, first priority is to take a picture of you and her. I don't have enough pictures of you with your grandma's. I want to fix that lackingness.
Love,
Mama
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