Sunday, April 6, 2014

14 hour follow up

******************** TRIGGER FOR SIV ********************

It was like trying to sleep before Christmas as a little kid. Finally had to medicate my selves with the last 2 Norco, hoping maybe being pain free would help me sleep.

Still the urges were so bad that I awoke in the night to me punching my self in the face repeatedly. That was a new one for me to SIV in my sleep. Black eye greated me in the mirror in the morning. It was a surreal experience to injure my self from deep sleep. I do not ever want to go through that again.

I'm not kidding when I report that I am super sensitive to medication. I don't normally take two Norco because the doped up feeling will last 24 hours. I was in a foggy place most of the day.

But when it wore off...

There was nothing.

The was no SIV urges no suicidal urges, just nothing.

I am not going to say the levoxyl miraculously returned me to the land of sanity. It may be a placebo affect at work, because I want this to work so bad, however, I felt better then I have mentally in a long time.

It ALSO maybe a direct side effect of inflicting violence on my self. Self injury will produce the same effect in my brain.

Either way, I will take it.

Next post: the how and why I ended up on Levoxyl to begin with.

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