Flying

Originally I was going to call this blog Falling.  I purposely didn't blog yesterday because I was truly "falling." I spend the day in tears, alternating between serene calmness to being so nauseated and wanting to barf my guts up that I couldn't get up off the floor to wanting to chug a bottle of Ativan. In hindsight I should have anticipated the emotional turmoil leaving my job was going to stir up. I should have had someone there with me, I was a huge suicide risk.

Today, I was able to sleep and awoke, without the panic of what the bleeping heck have I done! shouting in my ears. I find that I am not falling. I'm flying.

I have made the right decision. Now I must learn to live for the first time in 31 years without a job. To rely on someone else to be totally financially responsible for me.

I grew up with "If you don't work, you don't eat" ground into my head.

uggh...this I will have to keep an eye on so I don't end starving my self like I used to as a teenage.

I will have to learn how to decompress and just live my life without the added worry/stress of work being juggled in the mix.

I must watch that I don't become too comfortable in summer vacation land that I forget I must return to work.

My daughter had an interesting reaction to the news I was quitting. She bawled her eyes out and said "I'm going to miss all the money."

She has never had to go through lean times. She doesn't have the same back ground I do, she doesn't yet realize there is richness to be had in a little suffering and having to live within your means. This summer she will learn to budget and choose wisely.

She also grieved for the loss of her friends at my work. (a stuffed pig and a AFLAC duck)

We will not be financially devastated. I would not allow that to happen to my family. We will have to tighten our belts and forgo eating out as much as we like, but we will be fine on just one pay check. My husband provides a comfortable living for us. Right off the bat a 300+ gas bill every month for the truck comes off the table.

no more commuting....

yes.

I find today I am looking forward, rather then backwards. What does the future hold? What new job out there is awaiting a "P" to come join there team. I am a kick ass employee and any company would be blessed to get me. I spent 15 years trapped at my first job because I allowed them to beat me down and brainwash me into thinking I was trapped there.

I know my skill set. I know my work ethic. I know how to work, and I like to work.

Now I must focus on learning how to have a vacation and relax.