Leaping

Turned in my two week notice tonight. I have worked for the last 31 years in long term care, the longest "break" I had was when the resident attacked me and I was off on the OJI. I worked up to the day I delivered both kids and then went back to work with them in tow as soon as we were released from the hospital.

It was a long standing joke that I was going to work 15 years at each nursing home and then retire. I made 15 years at one, and 16 years at the other. But at a heavy price to my heart. It is really hard to have so many people die and suffer around you.

It erodes you.

Or you build up a thick shell with FUCK YOU stamped all over it.

I am leaping without seeing the where I am going to land...or maybe I am just letting go of the ledge I have been dangling from for the last seven months?

I was seventeen when I took the CNA class and started working. Nursing homes are all I know. I take with me more secrets and stories and deathbed confessions then I could ever write down.

I am leaping with a clear head and heart.

I know I have wings that will unfurl and gently hold me aloft until I choose to land.