Tuesday, November 6, 2012

"Tennis Elbow"

That is what my car accident injured elbow is currently diagnosised with. Or the more formal  definition: Lateral epicondylitis or lateral epicondylalgia.

Truly I believe I would have less trouble being labeled with that if it didn't stir up images of floofy people court side, dabbing club soda on their linen napkins and dotting there foreheads with it.

"Run and fetch the doctor Miss Annie, the house mistress hath tennised her elbow."

Therefore the sake of the sanity of all us normal people I am going to give that type of injury a new nomenclature.

Hence forth it shall he called:

Remote Control Elbow  (for those couch dwellers)

Bastard Sword +3 Elbow       (For the gamers)

Squirmy toddler Elbow   (for the haggard parents)

Head Kickstand Elbow   (for the students)

Hadda-punch-im Elbow  (for those violent types)

Bat'leth Elbow  (for the Trekkies)

Texing Elbow  (for the youngins)

Fapping Elbow  (for....uh....for, you know who you are.)

and lastly for those people injured in car accidents through no fault of there own,

Dizizpissinmeoff Elbow

Also pronounced "&&^%$#$%^&*!!!!!!!!!!"

So Monday I had an MRI done on it. I have a copy of the disk and spent some time studying the 127 images on it. Playing Dr House is a fun sport in my life. I have been in the medical field 30 years, I am not there for the money....I LIKE IT.

I should apply to med school, that is how much I enjoy the medical field. Alas sadly my medical degree comes straight from GoogleU and years of self study. Oh and from watching MASH, ER, Chicago Hope, EMERGENCY, etc etc....(does General Hospital count?)

I however once read an ultrasound correctly, and the high risk neonatal doctor didn't. He stood there and told me my fetus at 8.5 months gestation had a goiter, and we would be watching it closely to see if a C-section would be needed, and at the very least he was going to recommend I be induced at least 3 weeks prior to due date.

I looked from him to the scan screen and back at him. I wanted to say: "It doesn't look like a goiter to me Doc, it looks like the cord is around his neck."

But I held my tongue...He after all was the expert in the field.

My son came squalling into this world with the cord wrapped around his goiter-less neck.

Great now I need to come up names for people like me who know just enough medical info to make them dangerous and smug all in the same diagnosis.

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