I noticed that my daughters Pokemon binder was splitting at the seems and in need of replacing.
I also noted her collection is too large for the binder.
When I bought the all back binder originally, I caught heck because "MAMA!!! its black! I wanted pink!" She cried for days.
Mindful of that, I searched for a pink one. Finding none as large as her black binder I got three smaller ones in different colors.
I asked her to come help me sort the pages into the binders.
She hollers from her room, "I don't care what binders they are in, you can do it."
THAT should have been my cue to RRRRUUUUUUNNNNNN!!!!!!!!
She wanders down to check my work. "MAMA!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!!! YOU HAVE STEEL TYPES NEXT TO GRASS TYPES!!" (commence full on weeping/wailing and waterworks.)
It took her just a nano second to categorize me and stuff me in with the likes of Hitler, Dalmer, Gacy, and several other bad people.
I sat there feeling slimy. Again I ignored my cue and offered up, "Look I put your blues in the blue binder so you can find them easier."
That pushed her over the edge. "THOSE ARN"T BLUE!! THOSE ARE WATER TYPES!!!"
Oh lord, I am going to be paying for her therapy for a long time to fix all this damage my callous words have caused her in this life.
Not done yet she then eyes the three binders. "I HAVE TO CARRY THREE NOW?! I'M GOING TO CRY UNTIL I GET A BIG BINDER AGAIN!!"
The din reaches epic proportions.
*&^%$!!! I think she means it!
"Do you just want me to put all the cards back into the back binder?" I say holding up the battered broken old one.
She shoots poisonous darts at me with her eyes. "NOOOOO!! I want a pink one!"
Now do you see why I want to complete and have menopause behind me PRIOR to her going through puberty? If she is like this at 6 imagine the level of devastation she will unleash at 12 hopped up on out of control hormones.
Once again the space time continuum wiggles and blurs as I travel forward into the future.
"Oh hi, Mom." My son-in-law wearily says as he plops down next to me. He exhales a deep sign and places his arm over his eyes.
I place a comforting hand on his thigh. "Whatcha you do this time?"
"I'm not really sure, she said 'Do you want chicken for dinner or pizza' and I hesitated and said uuh... and the next thing I knew she was dialing 911 screaming at the dispatcher to get a car over there because I was acting hostile....and you?"
"She unpacked her Pokemon cards to give to your kids and ....damn it, the steel types were still next to the grass types. I have been accused of retro crimes against the state."
He lowers his arm and nods in understanding. "Have you already called Dad to come bail us out?" he asks glancing around the holding cell.
"No I say snuggling up to the bars, I'm going to save my one call and rest here for a while. I feel safer locked up, much safer."