Wednesday, May 29, 2013

negative mental chatter

Yesterday we touched on changing negative mental chatter. I wanted to give a quick update on that whole issue within myself.

As noted that hypnotherapy session happened on January 11, 1990.

So any guesses how well that worked for me?

We are now 23 years out.

Occasionally in life I will be confronted with something that makes me cringe and curl up inside and try to add negative mental chatter back into my sound track.

A seductive attempt to return to the self defeating/self abusive self that I once stewed in 24/7.

The last attempt was this winter when my thyroid dose was off and I was tinkering with the thyroid-related psychosis.

The barb I tried to inject was "you are too fat to eat"

This is what shook down:

I stepped up on the scale and saw the needle zip to 185.

uggh, Damn thyroid. My weight has been and issue since the RAI treatment in 2008. I took in a heavy breath  and stepped off and looked at myself in the mirror. I glared at me, then leaned in closer.  "you are too fat to eat." I told my reflection. "when you see food you need to repeat  "you are too fat to eat."

I stared me down seeing if the words would jell within me.

My reflection frowned, and shook her head instantly. The self defeating barb bounced off me.

My self esteem and healthy skills have made it difficult to step backwards and return to that time.

All that hard work I and my three therapist did, has indeed paid off. I have successfully installed a functioning BS detector/repulsion grid within my head.

I have no intentions of ever going back.

1 comment:

  1. "Captain, the shields are holding"

    "Good job, Scotty!"