Thursday, December 8, 2016

December the 36th

On an antibiotic for pneumonia, trying to stay in bed. Been sick since Nov 19th. Only one disk of Vikings left then, I think I'll be up trying to clean more. This day is not one I like, bed is the last place I should be. It's the 36th anniversary of the death of John Lennon.

You would think after 36 years the pain would subside. I try to let the hate and anger go each year, and the day pass quietly by. But then there is this...a rose bud opening on this date year after year when ever I am near rose bushes. Somethings just deify understanding.

I'm not sure I ever shared the 8th of December rose story before.

Let me share now.

That first anniversary of John Lennon's murder was so hard. Ugh. Incredibly painful.

This was in the fall of 1981. Yeah, I was quite a messed up child at that point. Damaged so severely I was self injuring on a HOURLY basis, and living 24/7 in a suicidal state. John's murder fractured the small bit of sanity that was holding me together.

I took to wearing that orange shoe lace around my neck as a memorial to him. I had planned to burn it on the 1st anniversary of his death. December 8, 1981 I went out to my rose garden to burn and bury the shoe lace and discover one single red rose bud on "Master Mike" (yes my rose bushes had names.)

It was a powerful sign....and quite likely saved my life that night.

Each year post that for 13 years I went to that bush on December 8th and was greeted with a single rose bud. I lite a while candle each anniversary and then put in in a box with the carefully clipped bud.

Year fourteen, I lite all 14 candles and then buried them all.

14 candles and 14 rose buds.

I was done grieving.

Grieving, not forgetting.

I stopped looking for the roses. Sometime around anniversary number 25 the rose story came up on December 8th in a conversation at work. Co-workers were a little doubting. So on my break I left and went to my old rose bushes and returned with a single red rose bud.

I can't explain it. It's a small bubble of peace that is given to me by the universe.

***On and interesting side note. The above school picture was refused by the toka staff. They said and I quote "It's not appropriate for the year book."

???? I have no idea, why they deemed this to be so. I can't find anything wrong with it. I thought at the time it was the shoe lace. But really I honestly think they were being bullies and tormenting me like so many of my classmates did.

That picture is one of a small handful of unguarded ones that actually capture all of me and accurately portrays what and who I was at the time.

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