I am very shy in real life. To a point it is actually crippling at times. When people see me or talk to me I get all twisted up inside and dissociate. I worked nights for nine years, on a locked geriatric psych unit. It was a perfect fit.
When I started therapy one of the things Richard suggested to me STRONGLY was I needed to get off night and re-connect with the human race. Uuummmm....no.
When I was injured and work had to do something with me they were going to send me to days. The horrified look on my face must have influenced there final decision to place me on the PM shift.
I can function with ease with young children, the elderly and animals. The rest of the planet not so much.
I have always been fascinated with people who can just walk up to someone cold and start a conversation. It boggles my mind, how they can do that without tripping over themselves. When I try that, I end up blushing and saying stupid stuff.
My talent with words ends with writing. It doesn't translate to a verbal skill at all.
I have been thinking a lot recently on what I want to do when I go back to work. Which leaves to wonder....can I learn to be social? Can I lean to be at ease with people? So today I thought I would work on connecting with people and see just how much work I need to do.
I have been observing people who are at ease socially for a very long time. Trying to pick up what ever skill they have that makes it look so easy for them. At the very least I should be able to fake it Right? RIGHT?
Uh, nope, not even.
I decided to man up and print out the fireworks blog and hand it to the gentleman this year on our annual trip to buy fireworks. The plan was to hand it to him and then run like hell before he could read it or ask me any questions. Cause well, that is the extent of my courage.
The rule was if he spoke to me I had to hand it over.
And that is exactly what happened.
Which totally foiled my plan of handing it over and running like hell. HAH!
We were only 1/2 done checking out which left me in a position where he was reading it on one side of me and my kids were asking me stuff on the other side. I could feel my self turning red and running in my head. A thought shot through my head....if I bolted for the exit and left the kids here could they find there way home?
Now, I know that I am an eccentric lunatic and should come with a warning label so I made sure to include my little blog disclaimer over there next to my picture at the top of the copy. I didn't want to scare him. He laughed out loud after reading that line and asked if I really had that on my blog.
So now he knows my name. Not how to pronounce it, but at least what it is. I figure by the time Hansolo had graduated high school I will work up the nerve to finally ask him what his name is. That is if he hasn't already filed a restraining order on the weirdo blogger who visited him today. LOL
Dude, I can say with absolute certainty it is not possible for me to even FAKE the ability to be a social creature. Ha!
I have a lot of work to do on my social skills. I must learn to be more social. Now I really, really wish I had listened to Richard's socialization lectures more closely.