Tuesday, August 7, 2012

One out of three ain't bad

Three interesting questions posed to me this morning.

1. What is your most famous piece of writing?
2. What is your all time favorite thing you have written?
3. Are you like this in real life? (as confident as you sound)

I can answer three easy enough. The others I have to give more thought too. I have many personalities and my online "Me" is a confident cocky sun of bun, who is vocal and casts a strong impressive persona.  In reality however I am a shy, awkward nerdy type of woman who trips over her own tongue and is ill at ease in this world.

I have had the strange experience of having two people travel across the US to come meet me in person after only interacting with me on line. I think they both left disappointed to find that I can't match up to the person they got to know on line.

I am quite simply boring in real life.

I have the face to face communication skills of a 5 year old gorilla that knows some sign language. There is a huge disconnect in my head between verbal skills and writing skills. They do not cross over.

My husband and I met via email. Had he met me face to face and conducted out friendship from only that side, I doubt we would have gotten married. He got to know me through our writings. Early in our friendship we met every few weeks to play chess over the board. I didn't say much to him. I am surprised he didn't think I was a total fruit cake. Or maybe he did? He must like fruit cake though, he eventually married me.

HOWEVER...while I may be simply boring in real life.....the life I have lived has NOT been boring.

and this is what adds the fascination factor to what I put into my writings online. My writing compost pile has some interesting manure in it. Which makes me sound more interesting then I am.

true facts from my real life:

I have answered the work phone and taken two bomb threats
I have held a severed foot in my hands
I have watched a man bleed out and held him as he died in my arms
My first suicide attempt I was 4 years old
I have seen  more penis's then the average porn star will see in her entire career
I have been searched by the Secret Service
I have talked to the FBI...twice.
I have been interrogated by immigration (just recently in fact LOL)
I have had a police office reach for his gun while talking to me
I have had a demented mans hands around my neck
I have been the object of a potential fatal attraction
been pulled over for having an unrestrained doll in the car
I have danced sacred dances with eagle feathers in my hair
called 911 over a dozen times
I have buried treasure
I have been stalked via phone, and mail and on line.
Been in a house fire
ran over my sister
pick axed my brother in the face
held my dead baby brother
been in a car crash
rode an unbroken mustang
been in a car that was on a live arching downed power line.....(ooh there is even newspaper pictures of that one!)
Been the subject of a newspaper article all about me
been published
have one of my books all over the planet
Know a serial killer
Have taken care of three murders
have had the National Guard hunt me down to retrieve military property in the vehicle I was driving
heard more death bed confessions then I could ever write down
been there for over 300 people last breath
washed more corpses then I could count
know some stuff I am not suppose to know
had my finger in more body orifices that belong to other people, then I really want to admit
keep a few secrets....and have told a few too.
Got on a horse that reared up and flipped over on me
had surgery
been spit on by a lama, right in my face
peed on by a monkey
owned elephant poop
eaten rattlesnake, buffalo, squid and octopus
walked into my bosses office with a loaded gun (relax its not what you think and a very funny story to boot)
broken a bone
had third degree burns
etc etc etc....

so to answer question #3 ...are you like this in real life?

Not really. Keep in mind I am a writer and if you peel that talent off of me you will find me cowering next to the "wizard" of Oz behind the curtain. In other words, what you are seeing on line is what is in my head vs how I am in real life. What is that saying? "I'm a legend in my own mind" Kinda like that.

What is in my mind is more exciting then me. I'm just a toothless old woman with hairy legs who can write. I blend into the crowd in real life and I am only special to those who love me and that is all that matters to me.

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