Sunday, August 19, 2012


We did the fair in 108 weather. Not to be out done my temp was 100 before we even left the house.

It was hot.

It was challenging to keep the kids hydrated and safe. They were slathered in so much sun screen I was afraid they would slip off the rides.

They came home alive and sunburn free.

We left for 2 hour and cooled off and ate dinner at my parents house.

My knee is hurting really bad and it made squatting for photos impossible.

Noticed for the first time this year there were weight limits posted on some of the rides. 180 pounds max. Its a weird thing to have grown up at a time when obesity was a rare phenomena. A time when there was ONE fat person in the whole school. To travel forward to the fair that day and see that the skinny people were countable on the digits on your hands.

Speaking of fat...Had I not lost that pound last month, I wouldn't have made the weight limit!

I ignored the sign that says DONT RIDE WITH BACK OR NECK PROBLEMS, cause well I'm a rebel.

I'm paying for that now and probably for the next several days, but the importance of putting the memories of riding the fair rides and screaming with mama in my kids brains, far out weighs a week of increased physical pain.

Its kinda bitter sweet this year. We are at the peak of no return. This is my last year I am needed to ride with Hansolo. She is now tall enough to ride without an adult. And next summer my son will be tall enough to be the driver of her on such rides and the bumper cars.

But....I have a suspicion that someday I will get kicked of the Gravitron when I am 88 years old for doing forbidden stunts with my great-grand kids.

Then when the evening cooled off my son got to playing in the balls.

While he was playing hamster, Han and I sat down to watch him. A mother parked her disabled non-verbal son next to me. Because of my background a wheel chair automatically prompts me to respond. I talked to the young man until his older brother got out of the balls.

As the mother turned to leave with her kids she grabbed my arm and squeezed it tightly. "thank you for talking to my son, most people just ignore him."

"Talking to someone and with someone are two different skills I wish everyone was taught both."

"Oh God bless you!" She squeezed my arm again, nodded and was gone.

fyi - when talking to non-verbal people, you simply do not ask them questions. They can't answer or respond and the conversation dies. Sounds simple, but it takes some practice to master it.

ex: Are you having fun at the fair?
instead do this: I'm having fun at the fair, I love listening to the sounds of everything!

The last thing we did before we left was ride the tilt-a-whirl. It was 10:30 and we were all slowing down and gearing up to head home.

Now there is a secret to the TaW. The higher the temperature the faster the TaW will whirl. The grease  melts into a smooth glass like substance and oh my gawd hang onto your skivvies cause your going to be subjected to G-force pressures.

As I sat between my kids getting whirled into another dimension I heard a voice within me that I hadn't heard since I swallowed 10.7 mci of radiation June 2008.

It simply said: I want to live forever

I thought that part of me was gone.

It is not a wanting to be immortal, and really live forever...when my soul says that, it means this...I want to LIVE, as in feel life and be connected and make memories like this of screaming my self hoarse as I show my kids what it means to be alive and live in this world. To escape the confines of being mentally ill and residing in a aging failing body if only for a moment to reach for the simply joy of being alive. To accept the pain repercussions and do it anyway.

I am glad that part of me found its way back.

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